Not a Good Game at All

Well that sucked. And that picture pretty much sums up the game. Eric fucking Gordon. I've always gotten the feeling that sneaky has one of the bigger egos in the league. Would love to see him play a full season for once, but damn when he's healthy he can flat out play. He had the lane, his jumper was absolutely lethal, and he flat out ran CP3 out of the gym. Kudos to him, have fun while it lasts Eric because you will undoubtedly be on the injury list again before the season is over, of that I am sure. The sun rises in the East, it sets in the West, and Eric Gordon gets hurt.

But in CP3's defense, Ryan Anderson killed us from behind the arc and we can't expect Chris Paul, Blake, and DeAndre to win every game for us. Jamal needs to play better off the bench, but it's not anything to worry about he'll bounce back. It would be nice if our sharpshooter didn't go 0-5 from three, but that won't happen much either. Aside from that we basically just got beat.  Although I do wish Doc would have attacked the lane more. Usually when one of the most dominant post defenders in the league isn't playing you try to attack that vulnerability in a team, but we won't have to worry about that when he brings Thibs into the fold.

Game Note:

Austin Rivers had another solid performance coming off the bench. Pretty much the only reserve who played well today. I'm still cautiously optimistic right now, but if he can string a few more games like this together maybe he becomes a viable option off the bench.

Ballmer Mood Level:





Calm, collected.  Not furious, not panicked.  Pensive; deep in thought.  A tough road loss against an up and coming team in the West.  Nothing more to do than pack up, hit the road, and lace 'em back up for San Antonio tomorrow.

Tesla's New Model X Has Gull Wing Doors

Honestly could not give less of a fuck about this stupid ass SUV.  Just wanted to give everyone a glimpse of the future of the American automotive industry.  First we give you schmucks technological revolution, now we're reinventing the wheel.  Well not quite, but the we are reinventing the stuff that actually matters.  Fuck wheels, anyone can do wheels. Elon Musk and The Eureka State are mastering machines.

Classic California being on the forefront of new innovations that are going to help shape not only the country, but also the world.  That is so us.

Two Paranoid (Probably Stoned) Bros Report Themselves for Smuggling 20 Pounds of Weed From California to Montana

Source - Eastern Idaho police say two men transporting marijuana from California to Montana called 911 while in Idaho after mistakenly believing undercover officers had discovered their secret.

But police in Rexburg say they weren't aware of the drugs until the two men called on Friday to report their location and the 20 pounds of pot worth $16,000.

The Idaho State Journal reports that police arrested 21-year-old Leland Ryan Kaimipono Ayala-Doliente and 22-year-old Craig Sward Holland. Hometowns weren't available.

The men are being held in the Madison County Jail and face charges of drug trafficking.

Police Capt. Randy Lewis says police had no idea the two men had any marijuana until they alerted authorities.

Not a great move.  I mean what more is there to say?  If the entire world had a "Top 10 Dumbest Things Humans Did Today" rankings at the end of the day like Sportscenter, this would be on that list.  I didn't even know Idaho had police, let alone multiple divisions.  Seeing they have newspapers was also a little surprising.  Seriously, who reads them?  I'm pretty sure there are barrios neighborhoods in Los Angeles that have more people in them than Idaho does.  

Hey Leland have more names, you can't.  And such a bizarre variety of them too.  What are you dude?

PS - We don't think these guys did the weed and that was the cause of the paranoia, do we?

PPS - Fuck it, I'm taking Idaho too.  

20 Year Old Hawaiian Bro Went Fishing and Caught a Shark, Then the Shark Bit the Fuck Out of Him

Source - A 20-year-old Maui fisherman is recovering after being bitten by an 8- to 10-foot tiger shark while he was trying to throw it back to sea.

The Maui News reports Michael Pollard received 38 stitches after he was bitten Tuesday morning in Lahaina.

Pollard says he should have cut the line when he hooked the shark but decided to bring it in. He and a friend tried to push the shark back into the ocean. He then said he was pushing the shark into the water when it started flailing and snagged his leg.

The bite left two semicircle marks on his left calf, which he wrapped with a tourniquet made from his sleeves.




I don't want to say Michael Pollard had it coming to him but every time you fuck with ocean depths of over like 5 feet of water you're essentially playing Russian Roulette. That's just a fact. Sorry pal but you took a risk and you paid. You tested those tiny odds and you damn near lost your life in the process. But in the end you didn't lose your life did you Mikey Boy, you sandbagging sonofagun!


Two things:

1. I cannot properly convey to you in words what I need to say. Ripping your own sleeves off and using them as a tourniquet is absolutely hilarious considering the looks of this guy. Even if it was necessary to save his life and all, deep down inside Michael Pollard had probably been itching to rip those bad boys off anyways so he could get a little sun on the guns. Nothing but respect for the move and he gave the sleeves to a good cause. Beautifully done.
   
   
2. At the end of the day being attacked by a shark is basically the worst thing ever. But there is a silver lining to being attacked. If you survive it and you're a dude, it's basically free pussy for life. You basically come off as Hercules to chicks. Yeah I faced the monster and lived to tell the tale, you wanna smash? Great, let's do it. That's how that conversation goes like 95% of the time.

PS - Hawaii is the furthest thing west in the world as far as I'm concerned so I guess that puts it in my jurisdiction. Weird fucking place. Outside of the touristy shit I'm pretty sure the rest of it is basically shanty towns, stray dogs, and meth heads. Never been there so I could be wrong, but I've always imagined the real Hawaii as an island version of Reno.

Anyone See Today's Headlines?

Live look in on Steve Ballmer:







LOVE hearing news like this. Anything to get the ball rolling on Thibs to the Clips.  Sucks for Bulls fans.  Where's the owner, Jerry Reinsdorf, during all of this?  He is completely letting management run a coach out of town for reasons completely unrelated to job performance and team relations.  Where's John Paxson?  You know what, it's probably best I don't ask too many questions.  Don't wanna dig too deep and uncover some scandalous shit that sways public opinion back in favor of Thibs.  Almost just shot myself in the foot there.  And to Gar Forman, thank you.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart, thank you Gar.



(Gar exits)

All of These Possible Plans for an NFL Stadium in Los Angeles are Pretty Dope

Source - It's been a 20 year battle (so far) to bring the NFL back to Los Angeles, but in 2015 it finally seems like it might really be happening. Again. For the millionth time. Mysterious sources inside the NFL claimed last fall that the league would return in the next couple years (with one or possibly even two teams) and meanwhile there's been a mad rush to develop the stadium plan that will be most enticing to the notoriously controlling NFL. There are now six potential sites on the table, ranging from silly dreams to serious business, and from Dodger Stadium to Downtown to the San Gabriel Valley.

Reading this article and seeing some of these "possible" plans literally made me start to salivate.  Can someone please give me a football team?  Is that what it's gonna take Goodell?  You want me to be a whipped, polite and proper little servant boy?  No way, no fucking way.  Give me a goddamn football team you no good, low down, snake in the grass, soulless bastard.  Better yet, give me the Raiders.  Northern California already has a football team and the Chargers for some reason kind of feel like the perennial pussies of the NFL.  They can be lights out during the regular season but come playoff time that whole team is gonna crumble to bits all over the field against a veteran team.

If you don't feel like reading the article I'll do a quick rundown of it.  First things first, out of the "six" potential sites, there's only 3 that have any actual potential.  Two are proposed for Carson, either East or West of the 405, which is a big road we have out here if you're not familiar.  Those ain't happenin', that whole area is basically a giant landfill.  The people are trash as well, but the actual land is all former landfill.  No way, NFL is way to bougy for any of that.  

And the picture up top definitely won't happen either - it's in the middle of nowhere and it's way too gimmicky.  Pretty much a sports-themed mini Vegas pipe dream for some idiot who wants the public to pay for it to be built so he can run it and make all the actual money.  As if I was born yesterday.  On top of that there's the possibility in downtown LA but I just don't see that happening. And with out further adieu:

THE CONTENDERS

Inglewood

The plan: Just last month, St. Louis Rams owner Stan Kroenke announced he's joining up with the firms redeveloping Inglewood's Hollywood Park racetrack on a proposal for an 80,000-seat NFL stadium with parking and 6,000-seat entertainment venue to sit adjacent to the huge Hollywood Park development, which will have residential, retail, and office space, plus hotels and parks.

The odds: Better than anyone else. Kroenke already owns an NFL team (which has just announced it's going year-to-year on its lease in St. Louis), so he has some pull with the NFL, and he and his partners have cleverly opted to put the plan on the ballot in Inglewood (they've already collected twice as many signatures as they need). A public vote could circumvent California's long, strict, and legally-vulnerable environmental review process. Then again, the newest NFL stadium plan always looks the best.

Sounds absolutely awesome, only problem is that it's the Rams.  Don't get me wrong I want an NFL team badly and beggars can't be choosers.  I'll take what I can get.  But I always envisioned the Black and Silver Bandits riding dirty back into Los Angeles.  Sure they suck now, but in my dreams they adopt the Bad Boys mentality from those old Pistons teams, nickname the new stadium "The Palace" and dismantle people every single home game.  Khalil Mack would be crushing both opponents and their dreams on the field, the crowd would be one of the most hostile in the league.  There would be fat bearded Mexican dudes with crazy paint and glued on spikes all over the place.  It doesn't look good for that scenario though, unfortunately.  But like I said before if you give me a professional football team you can bet your sweet ass I'll welcome them with open arms.  Plus the main reason the Rams suck is because they're from St. Louis and St. Louis sucks.

Chavez Ravine

The plan: Everyone has always loved the idea of putting a football stadium in Chavez Ravine, home of Dodger Stadium. Then-Dodgers-owner Frank McCourt had a stadium plan back in 2005, an NFL source called it "the preferred" choice in 2012, and new Dodgers owners Guggenheim was reportedly in serious talks with the league in 2013. They'd most likely add a football stadium somewhere on the enormous amount of land that surrounds Dodger Stadium.

The odds: Solid. There hasn't been a peep from anyone about this in a long time, but the NFL has always seemed to love the idea, and Guggenheim, along with partner Magic Johnson, seem eager to branch out (they looked into buying the Clippers last year).

This is where The Men in Black come into the realm of possibility.  Tons of room, great location, a perfect fit really.  Unfortunately the NFL still has to approve it.  If someone can explain to me how the second largest city in the country and we don't have an NFL and have it make sense I'll give you a billion dollars.  We're the biggest city in the state that produces more NFL players than anyone else and we don't have a pro football team.  That's just ludicrous.  There's absolutely no excuse.  

Give a team Goodell...You have one day.

Wanna Know What the Real Deal is with Bieber's Apology Video? Well Let Me Fucking Tell Ya

Source - Justin Bieber is making a very emotional and thought-provoking apology to his fans -- but what's unclear is exactly WHY he's doing it.

Bieber seemed to be pouring his heart out in the video he posted late Wednesday evening. He copped to covering up his true feelings for the past year and a half ... and promised he was trying to change. 

The video mea culpa came hours after Justin taped an episode of "Ellen." Sources at the taping tell us Justin kinda bombed the appearance -- giving Ellen DeGeneres one word answers ... and seeming extremely nervous.

In his confession, Justin says "I was afraid of what people are thinking about me right now."

JB added ... he wanted everyone to know he's not the type of person to say, "I don't give a f**k" -- or at least he isn't anymore. Watch the video ... makes you wonder how badly he really tanked.



I hate this fucking kid with a burning passion.  I think he's one of the biggest hardos on the planet and I wish someone at one of these award shows would give him a wedgie on stage or shove him into the bathroom and hit him with swirly.  His rat stache is grossing us all out and for some reason he thinks he's Justin BeastMode when we can all see clear as day that he's about 5'6" and weighs about 145 pounds soaking wet.  I honestly think Selena Gomez could beat him up, and I damn sure would love to see her do so.

That said...this is the one of the most savage moves I've ever seen.  This legit shows me something, Biebs.  I clearly wasn't giving this kid enough credit in terms of intelligence.  I figured he was a box of rocks up there and just slung dick because he can sing and has money, but maybe there's more to this kid than we know.  I always thought that Selena was either playing up the Biebs thing for publicity, but what if she's truly, honestly obsessed with this motherfucker?  What if her loins do really burn for Bieber?  Maybe he just flipped the script and put her brain/pussy in his back pocket like he's doing in this video.  

If you honestly think Bieber is apologizing for being "arrogant" and "conceited" you are outside of your goddamn mind.  What's he sorry for - stuffing 10s on an hourly basis?  Being a mega millionaire before he could legally drink?  HA!  This video is more heartfelt and apologetic than any apology from a celebrity in the history of apologies.  He didn't break down, he didn't hurt anyone, no legit drug addiction or reckless alcoholism.  This is money in his pocket, plain and simple.  And the millions of women that Biebs turned off these past two years with his horrendous behavior? Yeah, they're all soaking wet and fighting each other for a seat back on the bandwagon, slushy muffs to boot!  If you're just a dumb piece of white trash who dresses like a dick for no reason I'm going to fucking hate you.  But if you're really just an evil master manipulator who's using his talents to collect absurd amounts of cash and coochie while warping the minds of the public I've got nothing but respect.  



Wait, so does this mean I respect Biebs?  Woah.

Congrats to Austin Rivers on a Career Game!

Ok so maybe it's not the greatest game of all time by an NBA player.  But it's still a career game for Austin fucking Rivers.  To be honest I wasn't a huge fan of the decision to bring him in, but at the end of the day it was a really low-risk move and it gives Doc a young kid with potential to tinker around with.  See if he can't make him into a real contributor, similar to what he did with Rondo early on, then Avery Bradley and more recently, Blake Griffin.

And I know I just wrote about bringing in Thibs and I fully stand by that, he's a better coach, but Doc has undoubtedly seen success working with this type of player in the past.  Young, athletic guys who have all of the intangibles but still play like a chicken with its head cut off.  They get confused with schemes and tend to play outside of the system.  If he and Chris Paul can harness some of that potential and turn Austin into someone who can come in and contribute good minutes with the second unit that would be absolutely spectacular.  Anything to keep Hedo on the bench.  Jesus dude, just fucking retire already.

PS - I think Rivers lost some of his mojo after high school when he cut his hair.  Can we go back to the old Austin when he was just a gangly Jewish kid from Winter Park?

Dead Cat Turns Zombie Cat, Claws Its Way Back From the Depths of Hell and Digs Itself Out of Grave

Source - Bart the cat was hit by a car, buried and crawled back from the dead — literally.

Earlier this month, a car hit the 1 ½-year-old cat in Tampa. Bart's owner was so distraught, he couldn't stand the thought of burying him, so he asked neighbor to dig a shallow grave.

Five days later, on Jan. 21, a matted and injured Bart emerged, meowing for food.

Bart had a broken jaw, a ruptured eye and a torn-up face. He was dehydrated and hungry, but alive.

Owner Ellis Hutson didn't know what to do.

"It was unbelievable," he told The Tampa Bay Times. "I've never seen anything like that before."

Hutson got in touch with the Humane Society of Tampa Bay, which through the Save-A-Pet Medical Fund will help cover the costs of Bart's care. On Tuesday, the cat underwent surgery to remove an eye, wire his jaw shut and insert a feeding tube, which cost more than $1,000.

The agency's executive director Sherry Silk said Bart should recover in about six weeks and will be going home with Hutson.

"He's purring, even with all these injuries," Silk said. "I can't even imagine how awful he must have felt. He's just a really wonderful, patient, loving cat."


Such a fucking cat move.  Pretending to be dead just to emotionally crush someone for fun. And then when you're beginning to come to terms with everything, they show up on your doorstep all mangled and shit making you feel like a dick for burying them while the entire time they were actually faking dead the whole time.  And you know that's exactly how it went down, that's the oldest cat move in the book.

And how about this owner.  Guy hits a home run and finally gets rid of his cat, has it come back starving, all sorts of fucked up and he decides to drop a cool $1000 to basically give his $50 cat plastic surgery.  What a fucking schmuck.  Dude, your cat isn't "patient."  He's waiting until he's fully recovered.  And then once he is, he'll wait some more, only this time he'll be waiting for the perfect moment to strike and claw out your jugular when you least expect it.  Like I said, oldest move in the book.




PS - This happened in Florida?  Ellis Hutson must not be from there.  Because if this morbid puss stumbled onto the porch of a real live born and bred Floridian this story would have a completely different ending.  A real Floridian would have bum rushed the cabinet, grabbed the bone handled knife that I assume every person from Florida owns and killed that thing dead so they could stuff it and show it off to their weird neighbors while they sit around in their Crocs and smoke meth.

Did Everyone Already Know We Can Make Little Test Tube Baby Penguins?

Source - To science, she’s simply known as “184.” But on the empirical cuteness scale, the world’s first test-tube penguin scores a “100.” The still unnamed baby Magellanic penguin was hatched at SeaWorld in San Diego 12 weeks ago, but the first images of her were released to the public this week.

She’s the first penguin to be born using artificial insemination, a technique researchers say will help them increase diversity in the captive penguin population and help their studies of the creatures.

“The goal of our research center is to study a species’ reproductive biology, to learn as much as we can about that and use this to not only monitor the health of not only our zoological populations but wild populations as well,” said Sea World’s reproductive center Scientific Director Dr. Justine O’Brien.

The baby penguin is reportedly doing well. Twelve weeks after her birth, she is mingling with the natural-born penguin population and has transitioned from being hand-fed by a team of biologists to eating fish on her own.

Did everyone else already know this?  That we can make baby penguins in labs?  Because we totally can.  Granted I'm just seeing this story now - it's from August - so there's a pretty decent chance that this frumpy looking little guy is dead, but still this is a definite step in the right direction.  Can you even imagine when we finally get to the point where we can cook up any animal we want willy nilly?  Just whip up a fresh Dodo bird, pop that shit out of the tube and into the deep fryer. I can get on board with that.  I definitely wouldn't eat a penguin, but a Dodo bird?  I could murder a Dodo bird any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Maybe change the name before you release the story to the public...184?  Holy depressing.  I'm just imagining rows upon rows of dead floating mutant penguin fetuses (feti?) in the bowels of SeaWorld.  It's probably right next door to the SeaWorld's Orca Torture Chamber of Secrets.  No joke they mentally warp those things, lock 'em up in cramped spaces and pitch black rooms.  SeaWorld is full of a bunch of masochistic dickwads.  Yeah, I saw Blackfish.

Blood in the Water! Bulls Management and Tom Thibodeau Might Be On the Outs

Now you might ask, "Hey Marty, what do the Bulls and their coach have to do with LA?"  Good question, let me just start by saying Doc Rivers is a great guy to have in the building.  He's always had a knack for putting together the right pieces and personalities for a successful squad.  With that said, if we can somehow get Thibodeau, the Doc Rivers Experiment needs to come to a close.  Vinny Del Negro is not a good coach.  And with this team his record during his last season was 56-26.  Doc was 57-25 last year, even after making a couple nice moves in free agency in JJ Redick and Darren Collison.  Sure, they lost Bledsoe, but he's injury prone and would have left anyway with the money he wanted.

Doc had success in Boston because he had three elite players willing to sacrifice stats for rings and a defense that led the way to the Finals.  Doc's top assistant in charge of that defense - Thibs.  Jeff Van Gundy came out the other day with some comments on the supposed rift between Thibodeau and Bulls management, and he flat out said when he was the head coach of the Knicks (one of the most stifling defenses of all time) the best coach on that team was Thibodeau and every single person on the bench knew it.

He's on his way out the door no matter what, this is the third incident with the team in 3 years.  Plus Doc is already head of basketball operations, he still has a fallback job.  Chicago has already tried trading him once.  Last year to the Lakers for a draft pick.  He has a proven ability to develop players (Taj Gibson, Jimmy Butler, Joakim Noah, *wink* Blake Griffin *wink*), he has a proven ability to coach his way through devastating injuries, and he might very well be of the most dastardly defensive minds of all time.  I could understand if there were actually concerns with Thibs and the way he coaches but where are the concerns?  The results speak for themselves.  He took what was arguably the worst offensive team in the league, save Philly, and turned them into a middle of the pack playoff team who consistently beat good teams during the regular season.  No shit those Rose-less lineups did nothing in the playoffs, on paper they should not have even been there.

All I'm saying is this. Chicago has shown they want to move him, Doc Rivers isn't the coach we need him to be, and he's a great guy to have behind the scenes in the front office to help bridge the gap between team and ownership.  Plus, Doc already has a great relationship with Thibodeau from their time in Boston together and a complete change in ownership styles a la this fucking maniac Steve Ballmer could be just the breath of fresh air he's looking for.  Match made in heaven, now make it happen Ballmer you fucking cannon!





Live look into the future when this definitely happens...





Guy's intensity is set to ten thousand trillion and I love every second of it.

San Francisco Zoo Letting People Adopt Scorpions and Cockroaches as a "Valentine" for Their Ex

(Source) - Feeling the sting of rejection? Itching to get even with an ex? The San Francisco Zoo is offering the burned and spurned masses the chance to "adopt" a hissing cockroach or giant scorpion in honor of their special ex-someone for Valentine's Day.

The zoo is highlighting two of its less-desirable inhabitants through the adopt-an-animal program that is usually used to raise money for the care of more cuddly or attractive creatures, such as penguins, lions and pandas. It has a Valentine's special comparing the creepy characteristics of Madagascar hissing cockroaches and the giant hairy scorpions native to the Southwest U.S. to the ways of heart-breaking mammals with two legs.

"These invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or 'caves,' " the zoo says on its promotion page for the desert scorpion. "Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey ... Charming."

For $50 and up, donors can adopt a scorpion and have the zoo send a certificate and stuffed stinger to the person who inspired the adoption. The cockroach valentine that the zoo says represents "the detritus of your love life" costs $25

Hey San Francisco Zoo, you know what?  Go fuck yourself.  As if Valentine's Day isn't shitty enough, now not only do I have to deal with the actual relationship pains, now I have to worry about some lunatic from my past paying $25 to basically tell me I'm a piece of human garbage?  I know I'm a piece of human garbage.  All of my friends are also human garbage and they know it too.  But just because we all know it's true it doesn't mean we go around talking about it.  No one needs that nonsense shoved right in their grill.  You don't walk up to big fatty and call him a giant sack of shit, that's mean as fuck.  You silently acknowledge his massive size and give yourself an extra six inches when you pass in case of a sudden shift of weight.

And who are the weirdos that buy their exes certificates and stuffed stingers?  What kind of a person goes to a zoo looking for revenge?  That's bananas! There's lions and pandas and monkeys around, why are you spending all of your time in the dark, damp insect part of the zoo.  Jesus, no wonder you're alone.  I wouldn't even look at that building let alone actually go in. 

On second thought I kind of have to respect the hustle on the San Francisco Zoo Insect House here.  If you have the creepiest, crawliest, most unappealing animal exhibit on the planet earth, any gimmick is a good gimmick.  God knows people aren't coming in for the product.  Plus, the money goes to helping penguins and pandas so naturally I'm all for it.  First time in the history of anything that cockroaches and scorpions were useful, put it in the books.