20 Year Old Hawaiian Bro Went Fishing and Caught a Shark, Then the Shark Bit the Fuck Out of Him

Source - A 20-year-old Maui fisherman is recovering after being bitten by an 8- to 10-foot tiger shark while he was trying to throw it back to sea.

The Maui News reports Michael Pollard received 38 stitches after he was bitten Tuesday morning in Lahaina.

Pollard says he should have cut the line when he hooked the shark but decided to bring it in. He and a friend tried to push the shark back into the ocean. He then said he was pushing the shark into the water when it started flailing and snagged his leg.

The bite left two semicircle marks on his left calf, which he wrapped with a tourniquet made from his sleeves.




I don't want to say Michael Pollard had it coming to him but every time you fuck with ocean depths of over like 5 feet of water you're essentially playing Russian Roulette. That's just a fact. Sorry pal but you took a risk and you paid. You tested those tiny odds and you damn near lost your life in the process. But in the end you didn't lose your life did you Mikey Boy, you sandbagging sonofagun!


Two things:

1. I cannot properly convey to you in words what I need to say. Ripping your own sleeves off and using them as a tourniquet is absolutely hilarious considering the looks of this guy. Even if it was necessary to save his life and all, deep down inside Michael Pollard had probably been itching to rip those bad boys off anyways so he could get a little sun on the guns. Nothing but respect for the move and he gave the sleeves to a good cause. Beautifully done.
   
   
2. At the end of the day being attacked by a shark is basically the worst thing ever. But there is a silver lining to being attacked. If you survive it and you're a dude, it's basically free pussy for life. You basically come off as Hercules to chicks. Yeah I faced the monster and lived to tell the tale, you wanna smash? Great, let's do it. That's how that conversation goes like 95% of the time.

PS - Hawaii is the furthest thing west in the world as far as I'm concerned so I guess that puts it in my jurisdiction. Weird fucking place. Outside of the touristy shit I'm pretty sure the rest of it is basically shanty towns, stray dogs, and meth heads. Never been there so I could be wrong, but I've always imagined the real Hawaii as an island version of Reno.