Golf Clap: The KCAL/KCBS News Helicopter Team

Source - A gunman leading police on a wild chase east of Los Angeles smashed into cars, veered into oncoming traffic, stole a vehicle at gunpoint and ran down a crowded street before officers shot and wounded him.

Authorities opened fire as the man appeared to be trying to steal another car, police spokeswoman Rosario Herrera said. Officers handcuffed the wounded suspect, and he was taken to a hospital in an ambulance, she said.

Police on Tuesday identified him as Aaron Lorta, a 29-year-old gang member with a long criminal history. He remained hospitalized in stable condition and was interviewed by detectives, according to Officer Liliana Preciado. He could face charges including carjacking, she said.

A woman whose car was stolen at gunpoint on live TV was not hurt but was deeply shaken after the incident.

Well done KCAL/KCBS chopper team, very well done.  If you don't think this is worth recognizing then I just cannot take you seriously as a person.  This is an undisputed top 5 car chase video of all time, and the only reason we have it is because of the diligence and expert camerawork of the KCAL/KCBS chopper team.  Golf clap to you guys.

On another note, I love the dedication of Aaron Lorta.  Rough and tumble gang member, what's he gonna do, go out like a bitch?  Fuck that noise, he's going to do bust out his best CJ impression from San Andreas, jack some slut's car, shoot a couple guns, rack up a few stars, get arrested, get out, and do it all over again.  I totally get it...not so much the actually doing it in real life and going to prison to get stabbed part, but I get what he was trying to do.  That kind of stuff is a hoot and I for one think LA could use a little more of the wild west mentality.  In case you haven't noticed, the rest of the country thinks we're all gigantic pussies.

PS - Is it weird that I'm proud of this Aaron Lorta dude for not murdering anyone?  Like he seems so shitty as a human that when I noticed that he didn't murder anyone my first thought was, "Damn, nice job, not too bad!"  For a split second I actually think I almost felt bad that he got shot.  Say what you want about Aaron Lorta, but so far  he is not a murderer.

PPS - Is it just me or does a car chase not feel the same unless the suspect isn't in a white Ford Bronco?

Full video if any weirdos wanna watch a 45 minute car chase:

Paris Hilton's Little Brother Might Be the Most Pompous Dickish Rich Kid on the Planet and It's Awesome

Source - Paris Hilton's younger brother Conrad has appeared in court after allegedly becoming enraged on a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles, calling passengers "peasants" and making children cry.

Hilton, 20, had his hands and feet in shackles as he was brought into court in Los Angeles where he was charged with interfering with a flight crew, an offence which can carry a penalty of up to 20 years in prison. He did not enter a plea and was released on $100,000 bail.

The case related to BA Flight 269 which took off from Heathrow on July 31 last year but details only emerged as Hilton was charged.

According to a 17-page affidavit from an FBI agent, Hilton became unruly soon after the plane took off, pacing the aisle and complaining that another passenger was giving him a "stink eye."

Witnesses said he was in a rage for much of the 11-hour flight, at one point yelling: "I will f****** own anyone on this flight. They are f****** peasants."

The Hilton's are officially back baby!...And with tits!

First Paris slaps me in the face with a full-on cleav-shot and now little bro bursts onto the scene like a goddamn bull in a china shop!  Calling an entire plane of people "peasants", smoking weed in the bathroom, making little kids cry like nobody's business.  Maybe pump the brakes a little bit though dude.  We need you for the long haul.  There's only one family of sluts and scandal that can knock the Kardashians off their Hollywood throne and that's the Hiltons.  And we're gonna need this animal for every battle in that war, so we can't have him going off the rails before he has the chance to do some real damage.  

By the time I finished reading the first three lines of this story I knew what we had in this kid; he's essentially Paris with a dick.  His judgment is similarly terrible, he seems to have little to no self control whatsoever.  They are the same person, only Conrad has way more testosterone and now way less titty.

And I love a loose cannon celebrity* as much as the next guy but this has to be the most upset anyone has ever been in their entire life over a "stink eye".   Hey Conrad, ya think maybe she was giving you the stink eye because you just tried roasting a fatty in the bathroom of a commercial aircraft you savage?  I mean don't get me wrong I love this stuff, but there has to be another element or else you're basically just a total piece of shit.  Next time, make it a cocaine-fueled rage or something cool like that.  Maybe pop a Molly and sweat a little bit, dig?

*Conrad Hilton is not a celebrity.  

PS - I also read that he was basically saying he's done this before and his dad fixed that with money ($300,000 to be exact) so he would for sure do it again no problem.  I can't even imagine how pissed I'd be if my kid did this.  If I'm Big Daddy Hilton I'm sending this kid to get raped in prison to teach him a thing or two about a thing or two.  But that's just me. 

Explaining the Warriors Immaculate Ascension to the Top of the West

It's no secret that I'm a Clippers guy, and as a given that means I absolutely despise the Lakers through and through.  That still leaves two other California NBA teams: the Kings and the Warriors. And because the Kings are no threat at all, we're going to spend this time talking about the Warriors.  A fringe playoff team in the West who signed a new coach this offseason and torpedoed themselves to the top of the conference and show no signs of slowing down anytime soon.  Came out of nowhere and grabbed the league and it's audience by the balls.  Well, a few things happened to trigger their ascension.

First, and obviously, is the hiring of Steve Kerr.  Mark Jackson was a great coach, but not for this team.  He tried to force these guys into a more traditional system where they played strong defense and tried to work the ball into the post whenever possible.  In Chicago or Memphis that's perfect, but on a team with more possible shooters than the Tupac and Biggie murders combined you need to push the ball and space the floor.  Enter Steve Kerr, a former guard and long range specialist, maybe the post perfect person in the entire world to coach a Steph Curry-led unit.  With Kerr's help, despite David Lee's injury the Golden State has still managed to average nearly 7 points more per game than last year.  

On top of Steve Kerr another key coach was brought in to assist in player development and help maintain Jackson's defensive principles - Ron Adams, former assistant to the LEGENDARY Tom Thibodeau.  Thibs Jr. has helped to coach up the guard oriented Warriors defense into forcing two more turnovers per game than last year, which has led to more opportunities to score, something they really like doing a lot.  On top of that he has been a key factor in the developments of players like Klay Thompson and Draymond Green who, if it weren't for Jimmy Butler, is arguably the NBA's Most Improved Player.

Golden State was smart enough to see something that all successful sports franchises see.  Sustained success is built through youth and the draft.  Good coaching and having the ability to consistently develop young players is an essential commodity in building a lasting product.  Look at any sport - the Red Wings, the Patriots, the Cardinals, the Spurs.  All of these teams have shown just how valuable a quality staff can be, and as a result despite not being in LA or Chicago or New York they still consistently rival the revenue that those teams see, and in some (maybe most) cases they probably surpass it.

Shit.  Golden State used to be fun to watch.  Now I'm starting to think that they might become a pretty big fucking headache for the forseeable future.

We've Lost a Truckload of Chicken and Swarms of Bees are Killing Everyone!

Source - A big-rig hauling frozen chicken collided with a truck carrying bees in Southern California, igniting a fireball that quickly cooked the chicken.

The California Highway Patrol says the crash on Interstate 10 near Palm Springs occurred shortly after 7 a.m. Monday.

The truck with the chickens burst into flames and was incinerated, but the driver escaped with minor injuries.

The driver hauling the bees was not hurt, although highway patrol officers on the scene reported bees buzzing everywhere.

Photos, meanwhile, showed chunks of blackened, highway-roasted chicken.



So bad news, much worse news situation here.  Bad news is we lost an entire truckload of what was surely delicious chicken.  It was all cooked in the chemical flooded, fiery mess that was Interstate 10 Incident of 2015.  That is what they'll call it one day.  Because guess what, bees are all over the place!  So technically they haven't attacked anyone yet, but we all know it's only a matter of time.  Plus I'm not sure if this is an actual fact or statistic but I'm pretty sure California has like four times as many people with bee allergies than any other state.  Can someone check that for me?  All I know is that I'm just one guy and I've got legit eight buddies who would think this is the most frightening thing of all time.  They wouldn't go outside for a week if this happened somewhere around us, no joke.



"Photos, meanwhile, showed chunks of blackened, highway-roasted chicken."









PS - That ^ is not racist, I did it purely because of the crying.









PPS - Ok, maybe it's still a little racist. 

Why Didn't You Cover the Super Bowl Marty?...Fair Question

Some of you might ask "Why Didn't You Cover the Super Bowl Marty?". That's a fair question.  Basically it comes down to two things:

1. I fucking loathe the Seattle Seahawks.  Their only, and I mean their only saving grace is Marshawn Lynch. Richard Sherman talks more nonsense than anyone in the NFL and he doesn't even talk the most nonsense on the team, that crown goes to Doug Baldwin, who is basically the Robert Horry of the NFL if Robert Horry never shut the fuck up.  Basically a complete non-factor when it comes to game planning, but somehow, someway, when his team needs a big play he's ALWAYS wide open for the catch.  And their quarterback is awesome but he's an insufferable pussy; nothing more needs to be said, he just is.
   
   
2. These guys are all coached by Pete Carroll, the man who absolutely skewered USC.  Personally I hate USC anyways because I'm a UCLA fan and they were absolutely unstoppable when he was their coach with Reggie Bush and Co. (much like with how good the Seahawks have become).  But still, he seasoned them real good, put them on the grill, shut the lid, and left them there to burn.  Even I wouldn't wish that upon a team.

And then on top of all that, I had the Patriots the whole time.  There's just some games where you cannot fight destiny any longer.  This was that game for Tom Brady and Bill Belichick.  I've always been a massive proponent of Peyton Manning over Tom Brady.  In 10 years I have never once faltered on that stance...with that said, I was wrong.  Four Super Bowls is absolutely astounding, and the fact that he's been to six and barely lost the other two is equally noteworthy.  Brady has been just as consistent as Manning with less gaudy numbers but his ability to consistently rise to the occasion and lead a team deep into the playoffs just cannot be ignored anymore.  Tom Brady, G.O.A.T.

PS - I've always known Belichick was the greatest coach ever so I'm still 50%.  In baseball that makes me the best hitter ever and in basketball it's either good or great depending on your position.  Take from that what you will.

Does This Look Like the Face of California's Newest Dentist/Arsonist?

A California dentist, who goes by the trademark name "Dr. Leo," is accused of torching two rival dental practices, police say.

Leopold Weinstein, 63, was arrested Friday on three counts of arson of a structure, three counts of attempted arson of a structure and possession of a silencer. He was booked at the Ventura County Sheriff’s Main Jail and his bail was set at $250,000. He is scheduled to appear in court Tuesday.




How do these crimes work?  Does a person get both arson and attempted arson every time?  Because if that's the case Dr. Leo was 3 for 3 - not too shabby for someone picking up arson for business reasons.  I'm not saying Dr. Leo should be burning other dentist offices down.  Arson is a terrible thing, and it's 100% totally and completely illegal.  But what else is a guy supposed to do when motherfuckers start to encroach on his territory and his livelihood?

Competition is tough.  Sometimes people are better than you, cheaper, or more popular, whatever it may be.  What is Dr. Leo supposed to do if that happens?  Adapt?  Move!? Fuck that noise, not Leopold Weinstein, DMD* - his turf, his terms.  If he can't beat 'em, he'll burn those mothers down.

*Doctor of Dental Medicine...because calling them an MD would be presumptuous. 







PS - How about the balls on Dr. Leo trying to make the jump from arsonist to full-blown international assassin with that silencer?  Bro relax, you burned down a couple buildings with some gas and a box of matches.  You should be thanking the cops for catching you when they did before you could hurt yourself.  Fucking Jewish James Bond over here.



PPS - Mandatory Jewish dentist clip.

Lance Armstrong Has Lost His Edge

Source - Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong hit two parked cars with an SUV after a night of partying in Aspen, Colorado, but agreed to let his longtime girlfriend take the blame to avoid national attention, police reports show.

Police cited Armstrong with failing to report an accident and speeding weeks after the Dec. 28 accident, but only after his girlfriend, Anna Hansen, acknowledged lying for him.

Armstrong declined immediate comment on Tuesday. His attorney, Pamela Mackey, didn't immediately return a call.

Hansen initially told police she had been driving home from an Aspen Art Museum party when she lost control of Armstrong's GMC Yukon on icy roads, hitting the cars. She said she drove because ''Lance had a little bit to drink,'' according to the reports.

A man who had been renting one of the damaged cars told a police detective that Hansen came running up to his house in high heels, apologizing and promising to pay for the repairs.

''She said, 'I'm Anna, we're the Armstrongs, my husband's Lance, he was just driving maybe too fast around the corner or something,''' the man, Thomas Van Allen, told police, according to the reports.




I gotta say, not a good look for Lance Armstrong here.  I have absolutely no problem with him letting his girlfriend take the blame for it, that was a great idea.  A drunken hit and run is a bad look, especially for a guy like Lance Armstrong who is probably doing anything and everything to try and stay squeaky clean after the whole doping scandal.  But you can't get caught lying about that man, I mean come on how does that even happen?  You successfully lied for a decade under feverish scrutiny, but you couldn't slip the ol' switcheroo past a couple of snooty rich folks in Aspen?  Unacceptable.