Tree Honoring George Harrison Swarmed and Killed by Beetles

 

Source - A tree planted in Los Angeles to honor former Beatle George Harrison has been killed — by beetles.

Councilman Tom LaBonge says the pine grew to more than 12 feet tall before succumbing to a bark beetle infestation.

After Harrison's 2001 death in Los Angeles, the pine was planted near Griffith Observatory. A small plaque at the base commemorates the guitarist and songwriter, who had a deep appreciation of gardening.



First off, I would just like to say that anyone who thinks this is ironic because beetles killed a tree dedicated to a Beatle is a fucking dope.  Its pretty obvious what happened here.  George Harrison reincarnated himself in the most literal way possible and went on a mission to stop people from planting trees to commemorate him because having someone honor you by planting a tree is pretty much the same as saying hey, you were cool, just not cool enough for me to actually show some effort.  PS, have fun being dead. 

Seriously, who thought of this?  Who was like, Hey guys how should we honor George Harrison's memory?  Boom, I've got it, Trees.  Who in their right mind would be like, "Fuck and Yes. That's perfect.  Who needs a statue or paintings or museums or stuff like that.  Trees, man.  We need more trees."

And so what if George Harrison loved gardening.  I like hamburgers, that doesn't mean I want a slaughterhouse named after me.  And even if you are that dead set on taking the gardening angle, name an open community garden after him or something like that, or a park.  But ONE tree!?  The fuck outta my face with that.  Build me a statue, worship my gravestone, name your children after me.  Basically do anything besides planting a fucking tree and slapping me in the face with insignificance.

Trouty's 'Rainbow Trout' All-Star Game Cleats Were Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire Flames Hot

Source - Mike Trout dons special 'rainbow trout' cleats for third All-Star Game

Nitty, gritty, and wearing spikes so hot they'll make your eyes bleed.  Mike Trout in a nutshell.  Best ball player in the world god damnit!






PS:

"Hey Fernando Rodney, suck my dick and lick my cleats."

-Mike Trout

 

 

Marcus Allen Says the Raiders Belong Back in LA

Source - Although the Oakland Raiders' long-term plans for a home are muddy as ever -- the powers-that-be seem more interested in getting something done first for Major League Baseball's Athletics at O.co Coliseum -- a Hall of Famer who played for the silver and black thinks he can clear the waters.

 

Marcus Allen, the franchise's brightest star in the Raiders' star-crossed 13-year sojourn in Southern California, says he can see his first NFL team returning to Los Angeles.

 

"I know people in Oakland won't like this," Allen told NBC Sports Network this past weekend in Lake Tahoe at the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship.

 

"I think it's a viable option. ... We can't have them back at the [Los Angeles Memorial] Coliseum; the Coliseum is now USC's home. ... But there's some locations there that I know I've talked to a few owners [about] and I know that they've liked. I can't divulge my sources, though."

 

 

Can I just say that nothing in the world pisses me off more than this?  It literally makes zero sense.  No, not Marcus Allen saying the Raiders should come back to LA, that's a complete no brainer.  What pisses me off is the fact that LA doesn't have an NFL team.  How is it humanly possible that the second largest market in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA doesn't have the most American sport of all time?  Shit is absolutely ridiculous.  Meanwhile Jacksonville has one, Buffalo has one, Kansas City has one, and Green Fucking Bay, Wisconsin has one.  Does anybody not from Wisconsin even know where the hell that is?  I mean seriously, I just looked it up and it's population is 104,000.  That's not even enough people to fill the Big House!  How in the mother of fuck did that city ever get an NFL team?  Yet the second biggest city in the country, nope, no team for you.

 

And no offense to Mr. Allen but who the fuck cares what Oakland thinks?  They will still basically have the 49ers and a baseball and basketball team.  That's more than that shanty town deserves and they know it.  The Raiders have been hard to watch since they left LA.  They were our team and for a second there they were America's team until the league's friction with Al Davis forced them out of the heart of popular culture and back into California's creepy attic.  Say what you want about LA sucking balls and the people here being trendy fame whoring succubi (that part is true), but don't you dare argue that we shouldn't have a football team.  That's just straight retard talk.

 

 

PS - You know who else wants the Raiders back in LA?  Just the baddest mama jamas on the planet Earth, that's who.

 

 

RIP Eazy. One blood.

 

 

Double PS - Dre is theoretically rich enough to buy a large part of the Raiders. That would be the most baller shit of all time if he bought in to help move the Silver and Black back home. 

I Need Donald the Four Legged Duckling Like I Need Oxygen

 

 

 

Source - Hatching animals is nothing new to one Sulphur, Louisiana, family, but they were surprised when one of their young ducklings was a little different. The duckling has not two but four legs.

Claude Aucoin told KPLC that he has hatched more than 1,000 ducks in his lifetime, but he was shocked with this surprise.

The duckling grew a fan base when Aucoin's daughter, Kylie, quickly exposed the duck, who goes by Donald, on social media.

 

 

 



I need Donald the four-legged duck and I needed him yesterday.  Seriously, is there anything more adorable than animals with a weird number of legs?  Silly question, of course there isn't.  Three-legged dogs, four-legged ducklings, I eat that shit up. 

Sure it's probably hard on Donald and his life is going to be an uphill battle but at the same time he's basically a duck with arms.  So what if they don't work, you think all of the other ducklings think Donald's a weirdo?  Every other little baby duck is probably bitching out their duck parents for not giving them dead duck arms too.  How many ducks do you know on Facebook?  Yeah that's what I thought, Donald and Donald alone.  Pretty soon he'll be thanking the high heavens he was born with two extra webbed duck feet because mark my words, this motherfucker is about to be swimming in duck pussy. 



PS - Come on Aucoin family, are you serious naming him Donald? Be less original. You can't! Colonel McQuacks or GTFO.


 

The Lakers Signed Carlos Boozer, Ain't Life Grand?

Source - The Los Angeles Lakers added another power forward to their roster in winning an auction for the rights to Carlos Boozer, a person with knowledge of the transaction told USA TODAY Sports.

Boozer was available for silent bidding from any team with salary cap space after being waived using the amnesty clause by the Chicago Bulls this week. The Lakers' winning bid was not immediately known. The person requested anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the deal.

The Lakers' interest was a bit of a surprise because they have added two power forwards this offseason: No. 7 overall draft pick Julius Randle and free agent Ed Davis. They also re-signed big man Jordan Hill.

Boozer averaged 13.6 points and 8.3 rebounds a game last season, his lowest averages in both categories since his rookie season. The 12-year veteran has career marks of 16.6 points and 9.8 rebounds a game but often is criticized for his defense.



I FUCKING LOVE THE NEW LAKERS GENERAL MANAGEMENT!!!  Can you tell that I'm excited?  As a Clippers fan who was tortured year after year after year for decades straight with horrible ownership and management and coaching and players and pretty much everything else, it feels absolutely AMAZING to watch the Buss family drag this franchise down into the shitter with their main man Kobe Bryant.  People who say Kobe didn't fuck them with his new contract are morons.  He didn't just fuck them, he cornered them in a dark alley, raped them, and ran away with their purse (probably in Colorado).  Kind of hard to field a solid team when one player is taking up 45% of your salary cap, no?  And people who argue that the Bulls paid MJ insane money in his final years are even bigger idiots.  Last time I checked Kobe wasn't still dropping 30 a game and winning Finals MVPs, or even bringing his team to the Finals for that matter, or the greatest player of all time who was vastly underpaid throughout the earlier years of his career.

And now this offseason.  I have to admit I was a little nervous when they drafted Julius Randle.  In theory he could develop into something along the lines of a Karl Malone type.  Obviously I'm not saying he's as good as one of the greatest power forwards of all time, but their are definite similarities to their games.  But then they go out and sign Jeremy Lin and Boozer?  They've got me beaming from ear to fucking ear.  The Bulls picking up Gasol to replace Boozer was questionable, but mainly because they've already got Taj Gibson and essentially told him to be ready to start.  The move just didn't make a whole lot of sense considering they have literally needed to fill one role (a scoring wing who can create his own shot) for the last four years.  But the Lakers picking up Boozer to replace Gasol?  Most laughable flip-flop of all time.  I for one cannot wait for another season of misery and underperformace from the purple and gold.  And since they're a premiere franchise and will always be able to get guys based on their history I need to be sure to savor little wins like this when they come my way, and savor I shall.  Long live the Clips.





PS - Blake Griffin, Renaissance Man.  Basketball, comedy, is there anything he can't do?*

 

 

 

*Defend.

Two Dudes Arrested for Stealing Scooby Doo Vans Painted Like Cheese

Source - Two men were arrested Tuesday on suspicion of stealing three Volkswagen minibuses that were customized to look like bright orange Tillamook cheese loafs.

Brian Lancaster, 32, and Ryan Monaco, 38, both of Sacramento, were pulled over in Rocklin, California, and they were taken into custody by members of an auto theft task force, Manteca Police Chief Nick Obligacion said.

The minibuses, worth $100,000 each, were stolen Saturday from a hotel parking lot in Manteca, where they had stopped on a tour promoting the Oregon-based Tillamook County Creamery Association's dairy products.



Just a few things I'd like to touch on here.  I'm not going to spend a ton of time on this one because Sacramento people do sneaky weird shit like this all the time.  Basically, Sacramento is to California what Reno is to Nevada.  It's never going to be Las Vegas, but they are still going to do some strange stuff to keep themselves semi-relevant.  Place breeds characters, heartbreak, and hopelessness. 


1.)  There's a big difference between being painted to look like cheese and being orange.  Huge letdown.  If there was a car painted like cheese I wouldn't hate what these guys did, but stealing a couple retro orange vans just isn't nearly as baller as driving around in a block of gouda.*

2.)  These things are worth $100,000 each!? 

3.)   Manteca Police doing a dynamite job.  Three vans stolen and driven away from the scene of the crime.  Three vans...two culprits.  Yup, all adds up.  Open and shut.

 

 

 

 

Boston Radio Dude Called Erin Andrews a Gutless Bitch, is Spot On

(Source) - A Boston radio host blew his stack Wednesday morning after Fox’s Erin Andrews allowed Adam Wainwright to blame someone else — social media — after he said he threw Derek Jeter a couple of fat pitches to lead off the Yankees captain’s final All-Star Game.

After the Cardinals ace allowed Jeter to hit a leadoff double, he told reporters that he was “going to give (Jeter) a couple of pipe shots,” then admitted that he “should have pitched him a little better than that.” Jeter’s double sparked a three-run inning in the American League’s 5-3 win.

After the comments made their way onto Twitter, Andrews caught up with Wainwright in the bottom of the eighth inning and gave him a platform to explain that somehow, what he said wasn’t his fault. Or what he meant. Or he made a joke that everyone missed. It was a move that sent WEEI’s Kirk Minihane into a frenzy.

“What a b----! I hate her! What a gutless b----! Seriously, go away. Drop dead,” Minihane said on the Dennis and Callahan Show after they played Andrews’ interview with Wainwright. “I mean, seriously what the hell is wrong with her? First of all, follow-up. Second of all, the guy admitted he did it. He admitted it. He told reporters he threw a couple of pipe bombs. How is that social media’s fault? I hate her. I seriously hate her so much. Social media is the reason she has a big house! Shut up. Shut up. I shouldn’t call her a bitch, I’m sure she’s a nice person.”



First off, let me start by saying that every single part of me wants to applaud the shit out of Kirk Minihane here.  Every molecule of every drop of every ounce of my being wants to scream Hallelujah at the top of my lungs for this move.  Somebody needed to say something, anything, about just how much of an uppity little priss Erin Andrews is.  But this just wasn't the time or place for it.  Does she suck?  Absolutely, no doubt about it.  Least talented, most uninformed airhead floozy in sports today hands down.  Whoever the guy was who called her a "bimbo" couldn't have been more on point, not to mention I love to watch middle-aged dudes use middle-aged insults because they're equal parts insulting and goofy as fuck for just the right amount of balance. 

Kirk Minihane, on the other hand, shot his wad early.  Dude has clearly been harboring some pretty substantial feelings of animosity towars Er Bear for awhile now and just couldn't contain himself.  I'm not blaming him for what he said.  Hell, I hate that bitch too.  But that's my whole point.  I say the exact same things week in and week out.  Only difference is that I do it in a bar with my buddies over a beer rather than on a popular radio show where you know you're gonna get slammed for it afterwards, probably forever labelling yourself as some "sexist pig" type for the fembots to put on blast.  Time and place, Kirk, time and place.  You fucked up, plain and simple.  Now Erin the middle-aged sports sorority princess can whine to the high heavens and make herself all the more relevant and Kirk's left cleaning up his own shit and repairing whatever image he had.






PS - Love Kirk spinning it and making it about journalistic integrity for her not asking a follow-up question immediately after saying he hates her and wishes she would drop dead.  Savvy move. 

"Oh shit I fucked up, how can we fix this?"

"Hey Erin, you dopey fucking cunt, you didn't even ask a follow-up!  IDIOT!"

Top it all off with saying he's sure she's nice.  Boom, crisis averted.

These Yankee Farewell Tours Need to Get the Fuck Outta My Face

Before everyone goes and throws a fit over my saying this, sit back and shut your lips and listen for five fucking seconds.  First of all, Derek Jeter is a phenomenal baseball player and if you think otherwise you're an ignorant piece of gutter trash.  We're talking about a guy who has hit a career .308 over 20 years in arguably the best pitching era of all time, OBP close to .380, 5 Golden Gloves, 5 Silver Sluggers, 14 All Star Games, and 5 World Series titles.  Absolutely lights out numbers in an insanely competetive era, and above all he did it clean.*  The guy inspired an entire generation of kids to fall in love with the game and gave baseball legitimate celebrity and likability during a period of turmoil post-steroid era.

With that said, fuck these Yankee farewell tours.  Mariano Rivera last year?  Pff, please.  I get that he's the greatest closer of all time, sick.  Greg Maddux didn't do this shit when we walked away, Randy Johnson didn't.  And those two guys were 300 game winners.  Say what you want about Mo's records - they're unbreakable, they're amazing, blah, blah, blah - there is absolutely ZERO chance I'm more impressed by big numbers from a closer than I am by two guys in the 300 win club, especially in this day and age.  Relievers get more opportunities than ever before to win games and starters get less, and those guys still fucking did it.  Greg Maddux had 17 straight seasons of 15+ wins.  Let that sink in...meanwhile Mariano Rivera gets chairs made out of bats for being extremely efficient for an inning at a time.  You tell me what's more impressive.

Rivera was one things, but now Jeter seriously needs to spend 6 months doing this garbage too?  As if we don't talk about the Yankees enough, as if we weren't sucking off Jeter enough, now we need to roll out the red carpet and shower him with gifts as he hits a mediocre .270 and hobbles off into the Hall of Fame?  Dude, we pay enough attention to you Derek, and I fully understand the impact you've had on the game of baseball and the insides of thousands of vaginas.  Everlasting stuff, really it is.  But give it a rest, you don't need this you've already had more than enough for a hundred lifetimes. 







*I think I kind of miss steroids.  Like I hated Barry Bonds and then a few days ago I watched a highlight video of him smashing balls into McCovey Cove (much like Jeter smashed his balls into Minka Kelly's Cove) and fell in love with the steroid era all over again.  I like watching beefed up superhumans destroy baseballs and rewrite the history books based on lies, sue me.







PS - I would hate this so much less if he didn't play for the Yankees, fuck that team so hard.


PPS - Everyone's seen in but this still might be the most impressive stat of Jeter's career...Yeah Jeets!





Can you imagine being able to say JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE got your sloppy seconds????  Infinite respect.  Infinite.

Intro

So the name of the blog is Swell Sports.  No, not like "oh gee, sports are swell guys!"  Instead, it's swell like in surfer terms.  After all, this is a California sports blog, so why not toss a little surfer lingo into the mix to be as stereotypically Cali as possible, brah. 


While I'm on the topic of surfers, what a giant bunch of suckers.  They're basically just shark food waiting to happen.  I've lived in Los Angeles almost my entire life and I still don't even swim out deeper than 10 feet.  Don't get me wrong the beaches are phenomenal, the girls are vastly out of my league, and the weather is top notch.  But the only real swimming I do is in lakes or pools.  No chance am I going swimming in murky water where I would knowingly be sharing territory with something three times my length and five times my weight with ambush capabilities.  Fuck. That. Noise.  But for the benefit of the blog and it's Cali credibility, Swell Sports it is.  Just think of me as your go to guy for anything and everything California (but basically just LA because California is a huge state with a lot going on and I can't keep up with all of it).


Just to get it out of the way, my favorite teams are the Angels, Raiders, Kings, and Clippers so those are going to be the ones that get the majority of the coverage.  I'll try to be unbiased about other teams but in all honestly I really won't try that hard if I hate the team.  And considering California has an outrageous 15 major sports teams (MLS teams are a joke and don't count, obviously) there's going to be some significant bias on my end.  Deal with it.


Marty