Here's a List of the Weirdest California Laws Involving Alcohol. I Tried to Fix It

Source - California, mercifully, isn't subject to the Blue Laws that dictate alcohol sales in many other parts of the country. But that doesn't mean we don't have our share of weird liquor laws. Here are a few.

1. Alcohol cannot be displayed within five feet of the cash register if the establishment also sells motor fuel.
   
   
   There's gotta be some old western science behind this one, most likely involving gunplay of some sort. Way over my head but just to be safe, I say we keep it. Keep the booze away from the cash at gas stations. Done.
   
   
   
2. If you're trying to brew enough beer or wine for the apocalypse, be aware: You may not manufacture more than 100 gallons per calendar year. If there are two or more adults in your household, you may make up to 200 gallons.
   Not sure I understand this one.  Is this law apocalypse-specific?  That wouldn't make any sense, if the apocalypse did happen they would be giving away booze like hot cakes.  It's not sit in a bunker for the rest of time, it's go out with a bang.  Live fast, die young in the apocalypse.
   
   
   
3. Even if you're just the hapless server, you can still be held responsible for serving alcohol to a minor who uses a fake ID. It's a misdemeanor, the logic being you should do everything possible to establish a person's real age, including denying them service if the ID looks suspicious.
   
   Considering I look about 15 years old, I'm against this law 100%.  Sure I've been legal for a few years now, but still.  I don't need any waitresses looking harder at my ID, that shit would get old real quick.  I vote that the waitresses shouldn't be responsible for shit besides being pleasant and doing their job.  Boom, decreed.
   
   
   
4. If you want to get your growler refilled with a different beer, the growler's old label must be covered by a new one that includes the identification of the brewery, the name of the beer and other information.
   
   Growlers are a bit out of my league.  I didn't know people still do this, is this a thing?  Are there and big beer guys out there who have growlers that they refill?  Kill this law because I don't get it.  Next.
   
   
5. Any establishment that sells alcohol may not employ anyone who is wearing clothes that expose the "cleft of the buttocks," "any portion of pubic hair" or "any portion of the female breast below the top of the areola."
   
   BLASPHEMY!!!  THIS LAW IS AN ABOMINATION AND ALTHOUGH IT IT TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY 100% IGNORED I DEMAND IT STRICKEN FROM THE STATE CONSTITUTION (if that is in fact where these types of things come from).
   
   Seriously, go back and see when this law was made and when the first woman was given political power and I'd put money that they're right around the same time.  Southern California is built for skin exposure, its why motherfuckers love living here.  This law is straight up preposterous.
   
   
   
6. It used to be legal for the state of California to revoke the liquor license of establishments that served alcohol to gay patrons. This, of course, is not a valid reason not to serve someone so the law was overturned.
   
   Talk about doing a 180.  Used to be that you couldn't sell booze if you were gay and now if any bar in the entire state of California wants to actually thrive, their entire future depends on the gays.  I bet the gays love that - they've got the Man by the balls and they know it.  And every last bit of that pun was intended.
   
   
   
7. Vehicles returning from Mexico can only import 1 liter of alcohol duty-free.
   
   Honestly I only need like five things from Mexico: avocados, tortillas, my second favorite hot sauce, rice, and of course the beautiful and diverse culture that their fine citizens bring with them when they come.  Outside of that I just don't give a shit.  This law is ignored, might as well delete it from the records.
   
   
   
8. It's not an official state regulation, but many stores in California will not allow you to return alcohol. So drink up!
   If you return booze, you're a special kind of asshole.  Once you've opened the bottle of whatever it may be and taken a sip, at that point in time you are an hour from being drunk.  If you waste any of that time complaining or even considering returning it you're just unfocused.  It sucks, who cares - it's game time, get back on the horse.
   I actually have a buddy who has returned 5 craft beers on multiple occasions if they aren't up to par.  Did it once when I was with him buying groceries.  It was unbelievable how uncomfortable I was in that line.  Legit second hand embarrassment.  These people thought he was the biggest piece of shit, and dude was clueless.  Just didn't register why it was weird.  Such an awkward spot.  Never again.

PS - No scantily clad women serving beer and food.  Sick joke.